Why I Lift Weights

There is no other obsession more central to who I am than weightlifting or strength training or powerlifting or bodybuilding or one of its many incarnations. There is no other topic that I spend as much time learning about, including my studies in computer science. I don't work out all that often or that long, but when I do, you better believe that I'm working harder than everyone else in that gym. The reason for all this is quite complicated, but it is the core of why I do what I do every day beyond mere exercise.

It all stems back to an incident around eighth grade. My family had recently joined a church and my dad was playing his flute in a song that was playing during a recital called "Experiencing God: The Musical." I forget the title of the song, but the chorus went something along the lines of: "My soul, magnifies you Lord, glorifies you. And rejoices in your heart. My God and savior."

The person dancing to it was Olivia Johnson, possibly the most beautiful woman I had seen in my life. I saw the beauty and grace of her movements, which along with the music and perhaps something else, triggered not so much a thought, but an image in my head.

I saw everyone that I had ever known in an enormous log cabin eating a meal. They were one community. And then I heard a voice, perhaps from God Himself, saying "What have you done with your life?" The answer, not much. I got good grades in school without having to apply myself, but other than that, I was an utter recluse. I was also fat and out of shape. I saw the community consisting of everyone that I had ever known, and I felt as if I did nothing to improve their lives. That I was not contributing in the slightest and that if I was gone, no one would miss me.

I did not let this thought depress me, however. I vowed to change that. I wanted to have some sort of status in this community. I wanted them all to look at me, and to have me be... I don't know. Honored? Revered? Loved? All of the above? I really don't think there is a word to describe what I wanted and still want.

I wanted to be able to protect them most of all, and I knew I would not be able to do so at my current level of fitness, so I vowed to get in shape. And over the course of approximately the next year, I did, and my life has been a strange journey of ups and downs in fitness and everything else since then.

I still have not really accomplished my goal, however. For two reasons. For one thing, I always have and probably always will, suck at fighting. I am bigger and stronger than the average man my age, but I still don't think I would be very handy in a fight. I am not good at remembering martial arts moves, and my reaction time has to be measured with a calender.

The other reason is that while I have the best intentions for the community, I do not integrate very well into it. Anyone who does not really know me will automatically peg me as socially awkward, mainly because I am afraid of being myself around people who are relatively new. I think social skills will be harder for me to obtain than raw physical strength and size.

Still, I do not give up hope. I think the more than I remember this strange bit of motivation, the more I will be capable of improving my own life and the more I will be able to benefit everyone around me.

Shallow vs Deep

First, an introduction: This is a blog that examines my innermost thoughts, mostly about the process of how I think itself, but also about the human race in general.

Most of what I publish, honestly, is going to be random thoughts about fitness. This is because that's what I think the most about.

I made this blog at the request of my roommate. Compare and contrast our blogs:

http://godslisten.blogspot.com/

     Compare and contrast our ways of thinking. His is poetic. Mine is short,  to the point, and practical. Once upon a time, I would have been just as poetic as him. Not anymore. I prefer thinking in a style that is more... shallow. I used to think Deeply, but that only brought me misery. Just today I realized why. Something that took me too long to realize is that the only true source of Happiness in this life comes from living in the present moment. Perhaps Josh is smarter than I am, in that he can balance living in the present moment with thinking these deep thoughts of his. I cannot. Anytime I try to think deeply, it will ultimately lead me to depression, anxiety, and listening to Silent Hill music when I should be sleeping. If that does happen, I will make sure to post my thoughts, as I am sure they will be entertaining.