Why I Lift Weights

There is no other obsession more central to who I am than weightlifting or strength training or powerlifting or bodybuilding or one of its many incarnations. There is no other topic that I spend as much time learning about, including my studies in computer science. I don't work out all that often or that long, but when I do, you better believe that I'm working harder than everyone else in that gym. The reason for all this is quite complicated, but it is the core of why I do what I do every day beyond mere exercise.

It all stems back to an incident around eighth grade. My family had recently joined a church and my dad was playing his flute in a song that was playing during a recital called "Experiencing God: The Musical." I forget the title of the song, but the chorus went something along the lines of: "My soul, magnifies you Lord, glorifies you. And rejoices in your heart. My God and savior."

The person dancing to it was Olivia Johnson, possibly the most beautiful woman I had seen in my life. I saw the beauty and grace of her movements, which along with the music and perhaps something else, triggered not so much a thought, but an image in my head.

I saw everyone that I had ever known in an enormous log cabin eating a meal. They were one community. And then I heard a voice, perhaps from God Himself, saying "What have you done with your life?" The answer, not much. I got good grades in school without having to apply myself, but other than that, I was an utter recluse. I was also fat and out of shape. I saw the community consisting of everyone that I had ever known, and I felt as if I did nothing to improve their lives. That I was not contributing in the slightest and that if I was gone, no one would miss me.

I did not let this thought depress me, however. I vowed to change that. I wanted to have some sort of status in this community. I wanted them all to look at me, and to have me be... I don't know. Honored? Revered? Loved? All of the above? I really don't think there is a word to describe what I wanted and still want.

I wanted to be able to protect them most of all, and I knew I would not be able to do so at my current level of fitness, so I vowed to get in shape. And over the course of approximately the next year, I did, and my life has been a strange journey of ups and downs in fitness and everything else since then.

I still have not really accomplished my goal, however. For two reasons. For one thing, I always have and probably always will, suck at fighting. I am bigger and stronger than the average man my age, but I still don't think I would be very handy in a fight. I am not good at remembering martial arts moves, and my reaction time has to be measured with a calender.

The other reason is that while I have the best intentions for the community, I do not integrate very well into it. Anyone who does not really know me will automatically peg me as socially awkward, mainly because I am afraid of being myself around people who are relatively new. I think social skills will be harder for me to obtain than raw physical strength and size.

Still, I do not give up hope. I think the more than I remember this strange bit of motivation, the more I will be capable of improving my own life and the more I will be able to benefit everyone around me.