Last year, MU-SASHA did, what is in my view, a very very bad thing. They dressed as Jesus in Speaker's circle and mockingly proclaimed His second coming. Later I found out it was part of an event called "Annual Blasphemy Day." I refuse to look it up further for fear of throwing my computer out a window. To relieve some anger, I'm going to write a letter to them, that I will not send, because it won't do any good.
Dear MU-SASHA,
REALLY. You committed what is seen as the biggest sin in Christian culture for what can only be described as shits and giggles. REALLY?!! That's not a hilarious practical joke. That's not a satire of religion, like the flying spaghetti monster than I oh-so-begrudgingly tolerate. That's just being an asshole. I thought your group was supposed to be, about other things, having a society about tolerance. I don't see this as tolerance. I see it as hate speech. I see it as the equivalent of me going into the Jewish fraternity eating a pulled-pork sandwich saying: "LOOK AT ME!!! SHAME YOU GUYS CAN'T DO THIS!!!" Or better yet, going up to a Muslim and saying "LOOK AT ME!!! I'M MUHAMMAD!!!" (Speaking of which, one can only wonder how much trouble you would be in if you did that.)
It's not a good letter, it's one big, fat paragraph of anger, but this is about the best I can write right now.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
New Habit, Part I
It is four minutes in. I am reading the first webpage in "How to Talk to Girls," and already I feel like the worst sort of person for even trying.
I know that there are methods for starting a relationship just like there are for changing the oil in a car, but that fact has always bothered me for some reason. I hate it. I hate the song and dance that goes into starting a relationship in general. I wish there was more honesty.
Still, this is the world we live in, so I guess I'll learn to play by its rules.
Okay, it is after the 30 minutes. The 2nd website I clicked on was "Psychology Today," and the article was posted by a legit psychologist that wasn't shoveling douchebag-scented pick-up-artist shit. Thank God.
Despite the fact that the advice was actually advice and not a scam, I still felt very nervous reading it. I have a nervous tick in which I more or less twitch my entire body in order to pay attention. I had to do it 3 times while reading the articles this author wrote.
I know I will not be able to retain all the knowledge I consumed, but that is okay. The important thing is that I get thinking about relationships more, and get comfortable doing so. Even now I FEEL much more prepared to go looking for relationships and dates. I am comfortable enough lifting weights in the gym that I like to "play around" and see what works. Now I need to get to the point where I am capable of doing so in relationships.
I know that there are methods for starting a relationship just like there are for changing the oil in a car, but that fact has always bothered me for some reason. I hate it. I hate the song and dance that goes into starting a relationship in general. I wish there was more honesty.
Still, this is the world we live in, so I guess I'll learn to play by its rules.
Okay, it is after the 30 minutes. The 2nd website I clicked on was "Psychology Today," and the article was posted by a legit psychologist that wasn't shoveling douchebag-scented pick-up-artist shit. Thank God.
Despite the fact that the advice was actually advice and not a scam, I still felt very nervous reading it. I have a nervous tick in which I more or less twitch my entire body in order to pay attention. I had to do it 3 times while reading the articles this author wrote.
I know I will not be able to retain all the knowledge I consumed, but that is okay. The important thing is that I get thinking about relationships more, and get comfortable doing so. Even now I FEEL much more prepared to go looking for relationships and dates. I am comfortable enough lifting weights in the gym that I like to "play around" and see what works. Now I need to get to the point where I am capable of doing so in relationships.
How to Talk to Girls
I've come to believe that saying is too general. I can talk to girls. I can talk to the most beautiful woman in the world without feeling an ounce of intimidation... as long as I'm not trying to ask her out on a date, start a relationship, or even flirt with her. The intimidation factor only comes from the attempt to start a relationship. I feel completely clueless how to do that. Come to think of it, I really don't know anything about relationships.
I believe in moving towards goals slowly, not trying to overhaul one's life completely, which never works in the long run. Moving towards a goal slowly was how I became as in-shape as I am today. It is small habits that continue over the course of years that ultimately define who we are.
In that spirit, I have set a new goal for myself. For 30 minutes every day, I will do something that improves my relationship intelligence. I suppose the ultimate goal is to get married and have kids, but this has to be accomplished slowly, step-by-step. I need to start by being able to interact with people in this context. For too long, I have been obsessed with strength training and muscle building with a relationship as the ulterior motive without acting on that. Now is the time to start.
I believe in moving towards goals slowly, not trying to overhaul one's life completely, which never works in the long run. Moving towards a goal slowly was how I became as in-shape as I am today. It is small habits that continue over the course of years that ultimately define who we are.
In that spirit, I have set a new goal for myself. For 30 minutes every day, I will do something that improves my relationship intelligence. I suppose the ultimate goal is to get married and have kids, but this has to be accomplished slowly, step-by-step. I need to start by being able to interact with people in this context. For too long, I have been obsessed with strength training and muscle building with a relationship as the ulterior motive without acting on that. Now is the time to start.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Us and Them
Throughout my life, I have separated myself from other people. Usually, it would just be me vs the entire world. That one weird me versus an entire Earth of Normals.
ROTC changed that. Now I started putting myself as a member of a team. Always a losing team, but a team, nonetheless. For me, it was always GMC vs POC. Going through Field Training made the POC much stronger than us, so I thought, and I too would have that strength when I made it through Field Training.
One Field Training later, I am wondering when I'm going to finally get that strength.
Another idea I had throughout my life is that the ultimate goal of life is to get into a relationship. Even when I didn't see it as an ultimate goal, I do see it as an entire world of experiences that I am not having. I had that feeling another time in eighth grade when it came to sports, so I joined the track team. Unfortunately, relationships are not so simple. I thought I would get into one once I dropped my excess weight my freshman year of high school, but nothing has changed. My development as a human being has remained as stunted as it has ever been.
Today, Cadet Stark told me "You're going to be a great catch for some lucky woman someday." I love Cadet Stark, but that is one of the worst things you can say to me. I don't want to be a catch for some mystery woman years down the road, I want a relationship NOW.
The point is, combine my belief about "us and them" and my belief that a relationship is perhaps the greatest test of being a fully-developed human being, and I start to divide humanity into two parts, the singles, and the couples. I am firmly in the "single" category, probably will be for the foreseeable future, and I fucking hate it.
ROTC changed that. Now I started putting myself as a member of a team. Always a losing team, but a team, nonetheless. For me, it was always GMC vs POC. Going through Field Training made the POC much stronger than us, so I thought, and I too would have that strength when I made it through Field Training.
One Field Training later, I am wondering when I'm going to finally get that strength.
Another idea I had throughout my life is that the ultimate goal of life is to get into a relationship. Even when I didn't see it as an ultimate goal, I do see it as an entire world of experiences that I am not having. I had that feeling another time in eighth grade when it came to sports, so I joined the track team. Unfortunately, relationships are not so simple. I thought I would get into one once I dropped my excess weight my freshman year of high school, but nothing has changed. My development as a human being has remained as stunted as it has ever been.
Today, Cadet Stark told me "You're going to be a great catch for some lucky woman someday." I love Cadet Stark, but that is one of the worst things you can say to me. I don't want to be a catch for some mystery woman years down the road, I want a relationship NOW.
The point is, combine my belief about "us and them" and my belief that a relationship is perhaps the greatest test of being a fully-developed human being, and I start to divide humanity into two parts, the singles, and the couples. I am firmly in the "single" category, probably will be for the foreseeable future, and I fucking hate it.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Average
Before I can figure out what kind of person I want to be, I need to figure out what kind of person I DON'T want to be. Sort of like the "not a wanna-be" drawing I had to do in 5th grade as a part of DARE education.
The kind of person I don't want to be is Average. Who is Average? To paraphrase "Animal House," he's fat, drunk, and stupid. His only god is the status quo. He never challenges himself mentally or physically. He is weak in body, mind, and soul. He does his job every day, and nothing else. Because he is not willing to challenge himself to the realm of possibility just waiting for him, he is miserable. He will self-medicate with booze and/or weed. He will tell himself it's harmless when it's just yet another way he's destroying his own body. What little sex drive he has is spent on porn. He feels no emotion other than a kind of numb, depressed feeling.
Next time I'll discuss how Average can improve his situation, but until then:
"Better Dead Than Average."
The kind of person I don't want to be is Average. Who is Average? To paraphrase "Animal House," he's fat, drunk, and stupid. His only god is the status quo. He never challenges himself mentally or physically. He is weak in body, mind, and soul. He does his job every day, and nothing else. Because he is not willing to challenge himself to the realm of possibility just waiting for him, he is miserable. He will self-medicate with booze and/or weed. He will tell himself it's harmless when it's just yet another way he's destroying his own body. What little sex drive he has is spent on porn. He feels no emotion other than a kind of numb, depressed feeling.
Next time I'll discuss how Average can improve his situation, but until then:
"Better Dead Than Average."
Saturday, February 2, 2013
How to Save a Life
I have certainly had a busy few days. The trouble began on Thursday night when I got a phone call from Josh asking me to fill up his car on gas. Then, just as I was about to leave, I got a phone call from another friend named John asking if I could help him move. That night.
After a long ordeal involving filling Josh's car up, helping him move it, then moving all the stuff out of John's apartment, Josh and I could finally relax and get ready for PT the next morning.
The next morning started out as usual, with Josh and I walking in the below-zero cold to the Student Rec Center when we saw a young man lying on the outdoor track. He was barely moving and his face was bloodied. Later we found out that he was not drunk, but suffering a concussion from being beaten by a group of young men, one of whom he had previously gotten into a fight with because the other man called him the "N-word."
I called 911 while Josh and I took him into Crowder and into the warmth. He could barely speak. Soon, the paramedics took him away. I had informed one of my commanding officers of what happened. He soon sent an e-mail out to the entire detachment.
In just a few minutes, it felt as if Josh and I went from being the screw-up cadets to being heroes. It was wonderful. Ever since that fateful day in church, my life's goal had been to be a hero in some description. Well, now I have achieved it in small part. I think the tally over the past few days has been three people that I have directly helped out. I am truly blessed to have such an opportunity.
After a long ordeal involving filling Josh's car up, helping him move it, then moving all the stuff out of John's apartment, Josh and I could finally relax and get ready for PT the next morning.
The next morning started out as usual, with Josh and I walking in the below-zero cold to the Student Rec Center when we saw a young man lying on the outdoor track. He was barely moving and his face was bloodied. Later we found out that he was not drunk, but suffering a concussion from being beaten by a group of young men, one of whom he had previously gotten into a fight with because the other man called him the "N-word."
I called 911 while Josh and I took him into Crowder and into the warmth. He could barely speak. Soon, the paramedics took him away. I had informed one of my commanding officers of what happened. He soon sent an e-mail out to the entire detachment.
In just a few minutes, it felt as if Josh and I went from being the screw-up cadets to being heroes. It was wonderful. Ever since that fateful day in church, my life's goal had been to be a hero in some description. Well, now I have achieved it in small part. I think the tally over the past few days has been three people that I have directly helped out. I am truly blessed to have such an opportunity.
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