Us and Them

Throughout my life, I have separated myself from other people. Usually, it would just be me vs the entire world. That one weird me versus an entire Earth of Normals.

ROTC changed that. Now I started putting myself as a member of a team. Always a losing team, but a team, nonetheless. For me, it was always GMC vs POC. Going through Field Training made the POC much stronger than us, so I thought, and I too would have that strength when I made it through Field Training.

One Field Training later, I am wondering when I'm going to finally get that strength.

Another idea I had throughout my life is that the ultimate goal of life is to get into a relationship. Even when I didn't see it as an ultimate goal, I do see it as an entire world of experiences that I am not having. I had that feeling another time in eighth grade when it came to sports, so I joined the track team. Unfortunately, relationships are not so simple. I thought I would get into one once I dropped my excess weight my freshman year of high school, but nothing has changed. My development as a human being has remained as stunted as it has ever been.

Today, Cadet Stark told me "You're going to be a great catch for some lucky woman someday." I love Cadet Stark, but that is one of the worst things you can say to me. I don't want to be a catch for some mystery woman years down the road, I want a relationship NOW.

The point is, combine my belief about "us and them" and my belief that a relationship is perhaps the greatest test of being a fully-developed human being, and I start to divide humanity into two parts, the singles, and the couples. I am firmly in the "single" category, probably will be for the foreseeable future, and I fucking hate it.